A Journey for all Christians

Posted by EightNine at August 16, 2010

There will come a time when Christians will have to join the dating scene. Faith rules can complicate matters if you are not very clear about how you are going to proceed. In this article we look at some of the simple hints that have helped Christians to get through this important part of life and ministry. The first question that comes to mind is whether you should date a fellow Christian. There is no firm rule that states that you cannot date people from outside the Christian folk. However there are some advantages for dating within your religious community:

1. The first advantage of inter Christian dating is the fact that you will have known one another through the community and youth groups. That means you will be aware of the personality of that person even before you start dating. Many people find this a challenge because they never get time to know their prospective partner before things start moving ahead at full speed. It helps to know the person that you are potentially going to spend the rest of your life with.
2. If you decide to date within the Christian community you will have the advantage that you share the same values. For example you might decide that you want to abstain until you are married. If you are dating someone that is not within the Christian community this might prove problematic because they might want to get intimate even before you have had the chance to get married. From this perspective it is generally easier to broach this subject with someone that comes from a background that is similar to yours.
3. When you are thinking about the long term future of the relationship, it is important to realise that there are some conflicts between religions. If you ever have children then it can prove to be very difficult to decide which religion that the family is going to follow. If both parties are Christians then the choice is quite obvious. You should consider this as part of the process of developing in your ministry and life together.
4. From the practical perspectives, dating a fellow Christian can give you infinite subjects of conversation. You will have very similar views and outlooks on life. That means that the dating scene is much easier to explore. In dating the removal of obstacles and disagreements is a very good way of ensuring that the process goes smoothly. The important thing is that you get someone that you are comfortable with. If you feel pressurized in any way then you might need to consider the relationship.

Regardless of the advantages that we have looked at in the short extract above, you might find that you fall in love with someone that is not a Christian. You then have to make a serious decision as to whether your faith is more important that the love that you have for this person. That is a decision that is within your powers and it can have significant implications for your future life together. Of course you might decide to follow your heart and then pay a heavy price for it. On the other hand you might turn away the love of your life just because they do not share the same religion. One of the things that will be of crucial importance is whether they try to persuade you to change religions.

How to deal with pressure to change your religion

You join the flock of Christ freely and willingly. It is about choice and your commitment to Jesus Christ. In the same token common courtesy would dictate that you should not be coerced into joining a religion just because your date says you have to. These are some of the things that a Christian can look at if they are making that very significant choice:

1. It is important that you set boundaries at the very start of the relationship or the dating scene. For example you might decide that it is not possible for you talk about religion on the date. This might appear to be harsh on the face of it but it can help you to avoid some of the common conflicts that make dating a challenge.
2. You must be very clear about your principles as a Christian. There is sometimes a policy of “live and let live”. No one should be forced to take on a different religion just because the other party happens to share that religion. It is all about your freedom of expression and choice. If there is any hint that this is being infringed upon then you need to make your position clear.
3. It is possible to be assertive without being rude. You should aim to explain your positions to the other party without causing them distress. However you should not become some sort of pushover in order to curry favour with the person that you are dating. They will respect you more if you stand by your principles and treat yourself with respect.

The venue for the date

As a Christian there are some general principles that you should consider when going on a date. The Bible does not set up specific rules because during those times dating was not in the same format as we have today. However you should understand that there are things that are open to temptation for a Christian. For example if you visit the disco where there is a very liberal approach to the behaviour of the patrons, you could be tempted into doing things that are not necessarily beneficial to your Christian life. At the same time you should not become some sort of bore that turns every single event into a sermon. It is all about having the right balance between your Christian principles and being able to interact with different people within your community. You can be in the world but not of the world. However rudeness is not part of the acceptable Christian behaviour. Here are a few tips for you:

1. Try to find places that are open so that your personal safety is not compromised. If there is provision for other Christians in the venue then that would be ideal. It is a good idea to look at the provision of venues with a view to ensuring that you get the best spots.
2. Look for the locations that are within your journey home. It does not mean that you get a yardstick with which to measure the dating distance. Rather you should think about how you are going to get home safely. If you travel hundreds of miles away without any sort of contingency plans then you might get into problems.
3. I particularly like the youth centres and community activities where you can have group dates or even meet with a variety of people. This is a public arena where you can be comfortable without some of the difficult temptations that can fall on you.

A date is not a marriage

There is a distinction between a date and a relationship. In the dating phase you are getting the opportunity to meet different people before you settle on someone that you might like to have as a life partner. You should not allow yourself to be pressurized into accepting the “done deal” scenario. You will still have the choices of a free person. It is only when you reach the engagement stage that those things become really serious. Even at this late stage you can always change your mind. Do not feel under any pressure to continue with an unsuitable relationship just because you have once dated someone.

Through dating a Christian can learn about different people and this can help them in the final decisions that they make as to whether to pursue a relationship or not. It is not a commitment to marriage and you should not treat it in such a manner. If you are worried about the pressure then you might want to discuss things with your counsellor. When you come to the commitment stage then you will be in a position to make an informed choice.

You have to think about the number of people that you date. Because you are not married, there is no limit to the number of people that you date. However you really must avoid the acquisition of a “reputation”. The thing is that you should be display the kind of greed that can become unchristian. You meet people but in a measured and controlled way. If you are free with all the prospective partners then it might not be an entirely good idea.

Conclusion on Christian dating

The most important thing in Christian dating is that you have fun. These little bits of advice are not meant to make your date miserable. Instead they are meant to ensure that you feel safe and secure as you meet the different people within your community. Of course you have the option of accepting or rejecting the issues that have been discussed.

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